I'm sorry to hear about the 'mess' you're in, literally. I have a thought.
Since he's into 'digging', tell him there's a BIG DIG going on in Boston. They seem to be working up there and not having much to show for it, other than a BIG BILL! I'm sure you're seeing a BIG BILL too, and I'm not referring to the ones on his ducks.
I don't know what you can do to 'fix' all this and have the mess cleaned up. The Furniture Guys - Ed and Joe might be able to help you with the cleanup but you might have to cut their hair and wash their close as a form of 'payment'. (Forget about trying to make those guys over. If you did, they wouldn't be The Furniture Guys any more.)
By the way, have any of the pigeons made their way back to Westport?