"You've reached the phone of firstname.lastname@example.org. I'm unable to take your call at this time because I'm in my boat shed and the phone is 550 feet away in the house. Besides, even if I COULD hear the phone, you'd hang up just as I was about to reach for it when I got there. So please leave a message after the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I put my boat in the water ... BEEEEEEEP!"