Hi, Penny. I sounds like you may have an oil finish on your cabinets (that would have not been my choice--dust and dirt magnet). On a warm day, open all the windows and wash the wood down with naptha, acetone or lacquer thinner. Take the doors and drawers outside to do them. Be sure that there is no flame or source of ignition in the area, including the pilot on your stove.
There are several kinds of stains. Some will react to household bleach, some to oxalic acid (wood bleach) and some to nothing at all except some specialized chemicals that should not be used by amatures. So try both the bleach and the oxalic acid. Don't worry about raising the grain, but try not to let the wood soak in water either. You will sand off the little fuzzies in the finishing process anyway. Some finishers actually raise the grain before finish sanding to open the pores and make the surface smoother.
Let us know how this works and then we can go from there. Henry in MI